


I Am Me

by xXxCrimsonRabbitxXx



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Allura is an EMT, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Autistic Keith (Voltron), Big Brother Shiro (Voltron), Bisexual Lance (Voltron), Bullying, Coran is a doctor, Established Relationship, Female Pronouns for Pidge | Katie Holt, Hermaphrodite Keith (Voltron), Hospitalization, Keith (Voltron) is a Mess, Lance (Voltron) is a Mess, M/M, Male pronouns for Keith, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Shiro (Voltron) is a Mess, everyone is a mess, touch sensitive keith
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-10
Updated: 2018-05-10
Packaged: 2019-05-04 18:45:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,660
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14599371
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xXxCrimsonRabbitxXx/pseuds/xXxCrimsonRabbitxXx
Summary: Keith hates himself, so when he's changing after his Weight Training class in the Men's locker room he gets bullied by four other guys who believe he shouldn't be there because he has boobs. So he storms home before he can cry in public. But when he starts his period, and sees his mother's knife while getting new clothes, an idea clicks in his head.





	I Am Me

**Author's Note:**

> ***TRIGGER WARNING*** there will be self-hatred, self-harm, depressing thoughts, and a lot of blood put into this fic, so I will try my best to put trigger warnings, that will start with *** and what is in the part and *** again at the end of said part for those that want to skip it.
> 
> Lance is sweet, everyone's sweet and accepting, and everybody needs hugs.

Keith slammed the door to his shared apartment with Lance. Cheeks wet with fresh tears that still streamed down his face even after running from campus for five minutes after his class. Locking the door with shaking hands, he tossed his backpack across the small living room before bolting to his bedroom and throwing himself on his bed, face down on the pillow as sobs wrecked from his body.

 

He was used to it. The hateful glares. The stares when he wears clothes that are too tight than his normal wear. The fact that people call him a girl when he’s a _fucking boy_. It was bad enough that his unfocused gender made it hard for him to get adopted. How nobody wanted him until Shiro’s family came along and said they didn’t care what gender he was and accepted him with open arms, only for it to fall when he graduated from high school a year ago and announced that he wanted to get rid of everything that made him female. Shiro accepted his decision, a smile on his face, but his parents he came to love and thought they’d accept his decision yelled at him for wanting such a surgery. But they calmed down a few weeks later and, even though they’d never condone his choice of wanting surgery, would help him with chest binders and testosterone treatments to stop his unwanted, horrifying menstrual cycles that left him bed ridden for two weeks in tears. It was something, but not everything that he wanted, and not wanting another shouting match with the only two that were willing to call him their son, he went along with it.

 

**_*** (bullying trigger… I think?)_ ** _“What the fuck are you doing in a men’s changing room?” Someone from Keith’s weight lifting class asked loudly after class was finished. Earning a raised eyebrow not only from three others that were in the room, but from Keith himself._

_“What are you talking about?”_

_“It’s obvious you’re a girl, you should leave.” The same guy hissed, arms crossed over his chest._

_Keith didn’t say anything, just looked down at the tank top he was wearing and noticed that his chest binder was noticeable._

_“Since when did having boobs mean you’re female?” Keith asked, eyebrows furrowed when he saw all four of his classmates hovering around him. It wasn’t hard to see that he wasn’t wanted, and that they would kick his ass if they believed they could. All four of them knew Keith’s strength, which was why they were getting verbal instead of physical._

_“Are you seriously one of those snowflakes that have to have certain pronouns and get offended if someone uses the wrong one?” Another asked as he tried to fight back a smirk and a laugh._

_“Okay, one; I’m not a stupid fucking snowflake because they can all rot in hell for their stupidity. And two; I am what I go by, I just so happened to have been a boy born with my twin’s genitalia and breasts when we merged in my mother’s womb on top of what a boy normally has. Three; if you have a problem with that, then get out of my face because I’m not going to continue this conversation because you’re too dense to realize that there’s more than just boy/girl shit in this world.”_

_And with that, Keith threw his baggy shirt back on and grabbed his stuff from the locker he had been using for his class. Putting as much distance from those assholes as he possibly could until he could get home. *******_

 

Another sob crashed through him as their words, the whole conversation replayed in his head. He was sure that they’d tell other people by now. Rumors spread like wild fire. And he never, _never_ wanted to tell anybody but those he trusted that story! Why had he said that to begin with? Sure, he says things when he’s royally pissed off, but that’s a first for him; telling complete strangers his story without thinking.

 

With arms shaking, he pushed himself up to sit on his bed, legs hanging over the edge and his feet burrowing in the soft, fluffy dark gray carpet so he could feel grounded. Lance wasn’t going to be home for another three hours, so he half wanted to give Lance a call and ask if he could come home. But Lance had missed this class earlier this week and last week because he was bed ridden with the sudden flu and couldn’t afford to miss another day.

 

This whole situation pissed Keith off. More at himself than anybody else; even the people he argued with! Especially when cramps blossomed from below his stomach and between his legs out of nowhere.

 

“Fucking Christ!” Keith sobs through his teeth and rushes to the bathroom, collapsing onto the toilet just in time as a new reason for his tears pulled him from his earlier thoughts. It was one thing that his parents immediately coughed up a lot of money to get him many binders so he’d feel more comfortable with his body on top of paying for his first four years of University, but when Health Insurance were full of assholes that decided the HRT was not medically necessary, they continuously denied him access to costly Testosterone treatments even when the psychiatrist they made him see said he was mentally sane and all that other shit.

 

Keith had known something was off the moment he woke up that morning. His usual cranky self was more bitchy than usual and the fact that he didn’t want any food before he left for classes were the normal tell-tale signs he was about to start another menstrual cycle. But with the stress of classes, midterms, tests, papers, and stories he had to write for his classes overwhelmed him, he forgot to double check his calendar to make sure he wasn’t about to start another usual irregular cycle any time soon.

 

Sniffling as his sobs subsided for the moment, and with a peek at his gray boxer briefs he’d worn, another curse fell from his tongue as he reached over and turned the shower on. He hadn’t made it to the bathroom fast enough like he thought; and another comfortable pair of underpants completely ruined!

 

Wiping himself temporarily clean and heaving his sore body from the toilet, pulling up his soiled clothes with ‘keeping the blood from getting anywhere else’ in mind, he went back to his bedroom and gathered clean clothes. Comfort clothes that didn’t put strain on his stomach so he could curl up on the couch after his short shower until Lance came home. But when his eyes fall on a wrapped object in his underwear drawer, he pauses and pulls it out.

 

It’s the knife he got from his mom, something about him having ownership of it in her will if anything happened to her. And when he took off the last of the cloth wrapping, he stared at an oddly shaped blade, colored silver and black with a short, black handle that had an amethyst gem embedded in its hilt. He was told when he got it that something this custom made was worth a lot of money, but he didn’t care. He’d never sell it no matter how desperate he was for the cash. It’s not like he needed it yet anyway.

 

Then it clicked in his head—his self-deprecating, self-loathing, self-hating head that doesn’t want to accept logic of any sort—that thought if the Health Insurance company he was with refuses his treatments, then he can do it himself.

 

Determined, the clothes in Keith’s arms fell to his feet and he rushed back to the bathroom. Closing and jamming the door behind him. He set the knife on the sink and tore off his clothes, removed his chest binder, and climbed into the shower.

 

*~*~*

 

“Hey Keith, it’s Lancey Lance, could you please call me back? We’ve been trying to get a hold of you for the last half hour and now I’m starting to worry.” He sighed into his phone, leaving the tenth voice mail after fifteen texts were sent from him alone out of the tens collectively sent between him, Pidge, Hunk, and Shiro. There was something at the back of his mind making his skin crawl.

 

“Guys, I’m going to call it a day and head back home…” Lance sighed. He had been waiting with everyone at the campus coffee shop for the last forty-five minutes and his earlier excitement had been replaced with worry and ever-growing fear.

 

“It’s alright, I’m worried too. Maybe we can all call it a day, and all go with you to check on him.” Hunk insisted, and when Pidge agreed, she started packing her laptop as fast as she could into her green messenger bag.

 

“Yeah, there’s this nagging feeling in the back of my mind and it won’t go away, plus your fidgeting is driving me insane enough to the point I can’t focus on my programing homework.” She sighed and stood with her large Caramel Latte in hand as Hunk stood too.

 

“Thanks guys, and I’m sure Keith would love to see you all. I’m sure we’re all worrying a little too much. He may have forgotten to take his phone off silent after class and is taking a nap. He did start sometime today so he’s most likely curled up in bed with a heating pad and dying for chocolate.” Lance sighed, the last of his words mostly to try and cheer himself and the other two up.

 

“Yeah, he’s extremely diligent on that calendar, so you’re probably right. But we’re still going with you.” Pidge said with a smile and surged forward, the other two in tow behind her as she led them to Lance and Keith’s shared apartment.

 

… … …

 

It had been a short walk, no longer than ten minutes, before Lance, Hunk, and Pidge climbed out of the elevator and walked down the hallway three doors down to the shared apartment. Lance was prepared for the locked apartment door, so he’d pulled his keys out of his pocket before the elevator brought them to the fourth floor. The silence was expected too, though he also expected light sobs coming from the bedroom because he knew how horrible periods were for Keith and no amount of pain killer could alleviate it enough to stop the tears unless they were prescribed by a doctor.

 

What he was sure of, was the fact that he heard the shower running in the apartment bathroom and wondered if Keith’s period had started late. It was the only option he had since it’d be the only reason why Keith went to class the last three days without a single problem.

 

“Keith, hon, are you almost done in the shower?” Lance called out as he dropped his backpack on the floor by the couch near Keith’s backpack. Which he noticed was unlike him because Keith normally took his backpack either to the kitchen table or the bedroom by his desk.

 

With a frown marring his face, he trudged to the bathroom door and knocked on it loudly in hopes Keith would answer back.

 

“Is everything okay Keith?” Lance asked after he knocked again and put his hand on the handle, his left ear resting on the door to listen to any signs other than water on the other side.

 

“Hey Lance…” Hunk said, the curiosity in his best friend’s voice making him pull back from the door and face him as he watched Hunk walk out of their shared bedroom, holding a familiar looking cloth. “Where’d this come from?”

 

It took a moment for Lance, while staring and squinting at the piece of fabric, to realize where it came from. With color draining from his tanned cheeks, Lance rushed passed Hunk and into the bedroom, pulling apart Keith’s underwear drawer and frantically searching for the knife Keith showed him when they got together long enough to start sharing secrets and other stuff about their families.

 

The entire apartment went silent as the sound of metal crashed onto tile flooring.

 

“Oh my God!” Lance cried out as he ran back to the bathroom and frantically tried to open the door. “Keith! Open the door, please!”

 

 ***** (lots of blood mentioned)** It took a few moments, but after Lance threw himself at the door three times, it broke in half and he shoved the broken door aside as he went into the bathroom, only to freeze when he saw an arm hanging out of the shower, hand bloodied and hanging over a similarly bloodied knife; the one Lance was desperately trying to search for moments ago.

 

“Pidge! Call 911! Hunk, call Shiro NOW! Tell him to meet us at the hospital.” Lance called out, his voice thick with held back sobs as he pulled the curtains back, only to fall to his knees and cry out. “Pidge! I need towels! Now!” He cried, hands reaching into the shower and putting pressure on the cuts that littered Keith’s chest. His body already cold, but Lance didn’t know if it was because of the cold shower or not.

 

“What do you—Oh my Fucking God!” Pidge screamed when she rushed into the bathroom and peered passed Lance, only to see a shit-ton of blood everywhere. She fumbled to grab a handful of whatever towels she could reach and tossed them over his head and into the shower before digging for her phone in her jacket.

 

Lance couldn’t hear Pidge as she cried into the phone, the shower water and his cries for Keith to wake up and speak to him drowned everything out as he tried desperately to stop the bleeding. His attention was grabbed when Pidge put a hand on his shoulder.

 

“Lance, you can see better than I can, it’s on speaker, speak to the 911 operator.” Pidge cried, her voice nearly failing for her too.

 

“Lance? I need to know your boyfriend’s name and reason for the emergency, your friend couldn’t speak much because of shock.” A female voice rang into the bathroom from Pidge’s phone next to his ear.

 

“His name’s Keith Kogane… uuh, twenty years old and born as a hermaphrodite with reproductive organs of both sexes and breasts. I don’t know how long he was in the shower because he has it set on cold water, but I… He seems to have taken a knife to his chest and cut himself several times, almost like he was trying to remove his breasts himself.” Lance said loudly so he could be heard. “I… I don’t know if he’ll make it! I don’t know how much blood he lost before I broke down the bathroom door to get to him!”

 

“Sir, I need you to take calm breaths okay? I’ll stay on the phone with you. I need to know the address so I can get a squad sent your way.”

 

“19904 Altea Drive, Apartment 6, Floor 4, room 415.” Lance answered in a choked sob.

 

“Thank you. Help is on the way. A squad was making rounds nearby, so they’ll be there in less than two minutes. I’ll stay on the phone with you so please, take some deep breaths. Your boyfriend will be fine, okay? Help is on the way.”

 

“He-He’s got a brother!” Lance yelled, almost like he forgot some information. “Takashi Shirogane! He’ll be speeding towards the hospital! Keith is also autistic and is somewhat touch sensitive! He hates being touched because it makes his skin tingle and makes him uncomfortable!”

 

“Thank you for telling me Lance, and the squad has arrived at your destination, they should be on their way to your apartment now. Let me know when they get there okay? I’ll stay with you until you tell me so.”

 

“Th-Thank you s-so much.” Lance cried, his arms tiring out as he sagged forward.  *******


End file.
